6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
