I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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