I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
