So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
