Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize