After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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