Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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