Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
