Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
