why didn't you poke me back
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
