your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
