He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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