Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
