I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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