so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
