Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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