Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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