If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
