I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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