So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
