i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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