ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
