This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
someone owes me an orgasm
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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