I met the friendliest cop last night
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
