How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize