you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
