Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
