Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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