I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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