Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
