I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
