Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
