what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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