I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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