The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
