You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
