Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
