I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
