he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
