Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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