so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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