why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
