I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
