My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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