The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
