I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
