Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
