I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
