sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
