Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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