guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
