Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
