I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
