i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
