screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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