Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
