I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Houston, we have a squirter
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
