I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
MIDGETS
????
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
