I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
