Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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