I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
