we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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