We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
