I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
