Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
