I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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