i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
