Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
