There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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